ULTIMATE INTERVIEW.

The IAS Interview

One young man went for an IAS Interview.


"When did India get independence?" He was asked.


"The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied.


"Who was responsible for our independence?"


"There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice to another." He replied.



"Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"


"Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied.


The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions.





When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent Santa would not leave him. "At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged.


Then it was the turn of this Santa. When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him." By the way, what is your date of birth?"


He replied, "The effort began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947."


Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification. "What is your fathers name?"


He replied, "There were so many. Whom to mention". If I name one, it will be injustice to another".


The interviewer was incensed.


"Hey! Are you mad or what?"


He replied. "Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report."


*************

What is Marketing?

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing"


2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. "Marry him." -That's Advertising"


3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. "Marry me - That's Telemarketing"


4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:"By the way, I'm rich. Will you "Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations"


5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:"You are very rich! "Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition"


6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - "That's Customer Feedback"


7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - "That's demand and supply gap"


8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - "That's competition eating into your market share"


9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That's restriction for entering new markets

Funny Newspaper Classifieds

Funny Newspaper Classifieds

************ *


1. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
(man....if only I knew A B C....)



************ *


2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you'll never go anywhere again.
(sure...thanx for the warning!)


************ *


3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
(in months or years?)


************ *


4. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
(check it out)


************ *


5. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
(howwww sweeeet)


************ *


6. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
(wow! A free trip to heaven?)


************ *


7. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
(uh...huh!)


************ *


8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
(hey....who taught cows the bad habit??)


************ *


9. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
(nice work)

Enjoy

SMILE, IT'S TAX FREE!

10 COMMANDMENTS OF MARRIAGE

Commandment 1

Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.


***********

Commandment 2

If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say; talk in your sleep.


***********


Commandment 3

Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!


***********

Commandment 4

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.

In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.

In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.


***********

Commandment 5

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.


***********

Commandment 6

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

***********

Commandment 7

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

***********

Commandment 8

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.

But the law allows only one wife.


***********

Commandment 9

Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wives treat husbands like toxic waste.

***********

Commandment 10

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

***********

Bonus Commandment ( Story )

A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.

The wife decided to make a wish too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.

The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled,
.
.
.
.
.
.

"It really works!"


SMILE, IT'S TAX FREE!


***********

TTitles for Tamil Heros' next few movies. (Just for Fun)

RAJINI:



ROBO, REMOTE CAR, PLANE, BATTERY TRAIN, JET.



VIJAYAKANTH:



DHARMAPURI, SALEM, ERODE, NAMAKKAL, THOOTHUKUDI, MAYILADUTHURAI



VIJAY:



VILLU, AMBU, KATHI, KABADA, KAMBU.



AJITH:



ASAL, NAGAL, ORIGINAL, XEROX, COLOUR XEROX ,BLACK AND WHITE .



SURYA:



VARANAM AYIRAM, THORANAM RENDAYIRAM, POORANAM MOOVAYIRAM, PANJAVARNAM

NAALAYIRAM.



SIMBU:



SILAMBATTAM, PULIYATTAM, KORANKATTAM,,PAMBUATTAM, KARADIATTAM,

THINDATTAM.



JEEVA:



E, KOSU, ERUMBU, KARAPPAN POOCHI, MANPUZHU,NAYAE,PAYAEE.



VISHAL:



SATHYAM, SANTHAM, ABIRAMI, DEVIPARADISE.



BHARATH:



SEVAL, PURA, VAATHU, MAINA.



SERAN:



RAMAN THEDIYA SEETHAI, ANUMAN THEDIYA SEETHAI, RAVANAN KADATHIYA

SEETHAI.



NAGUL:



KADHALIL VIZHUNTHEAN, BIKELA VIZHUN THEAN, RODULAE VIZHUNTHEAN, KEELA

VIZHUNTHEAN,DITCHILLA VIZHUNTHEAN



JEEVAN:



THOTTA, BULLET, REVOLVER, RIFFLE.



VIKRAM:



KANDHASWAMY, KARRUPASWAMY, KUPPUSWAMY, KULANTHAISWAMY.



DHANUSH:



PADIKAADHAVAN, MUTTAL, THARUTHALA.



AARYA,



NAAN KADAVUL, NAAN PEAI, NAAN ARAKKAN, NAAN EMAN



JAYAM RAVI:



SOMETHING SOMETHING, NOTHING NOTHING, EVERYTHING EVERYTHING, ANYTHING

ANYTHING



NAREN:



5 ATHEY, 6 ATHEY, 7ATHEY, 8ATHEY



SARATHKUMAR,



1977, 1976, 1975, 1974, 1973



SJ SURIYA,



NEWTON'S 3 LAW, PASCAL'S LAW, HOOKE'S LAW, SHAKILA



MADHAVAN,



GURU YEN AALLU, PRIYA UN AALLU, NAMITHA YEN AALLU



SAANTHANU:



SAKKARAIKATTI, UPPUKATTI, SUNNAAMBU KATTI,


Disclaimer: Only for fun

Long Ring Fingers May Point to Wealth in Traders, Study Says

A glance at a trader’s hand may reveal the size of his paycheck. The longer the ring finger is compared with the index finger, the bigger his pay is likely to be, a study of London traders found.

The secret to prosperity may be contained in their digit ratio, which reflects the length of the index finger divided by the length of the ring finger, according to a study of 44 London traders in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. Traders with a lower digit ratio made an average of 679,680 pounds (or about $1 million U.S.), compared with 61,320 pounds ($90,956 U.S.) by those with a higher ratio, the report said.

Previous research has found that the digit ratio reflects how much testosterone an unborn baby was exposed to in the womb. Those exposed to high levels of the hormone are more sensitive as adults to testosterone that creates feelings of confidence and encourages risk-taking, said study author John Coates. Recognizing the physical characteristics of employees may help companies weigh their reaction to events, he said.

“Economics hasn’t actually looked at the physiology of people in stock market bubbles and crashes to see if their rationality is being impaired by their physiology,” said Coates, a professor at the Judge Business School at the University of Cambridge in the UK, in a telephone interview.
Earlier studies have identified several physical characteristics that reflect prenatal hormone exposure, including the digit ratio. The study only examined male traders.

Trader Fingers Measured

The new study was funded by the University of Cambridge. Coates and his team photocopied the right hands of 44 traders, all men, in London. He then measured the length from the tips of the fingers to the crease closest to the palm; the measurement was replicated by an independent observer.
The team found those with a lower digit ratio of 0.93, on average, earned 10 times more than those with an average ratio of 0.988. Men typically have a ratio below 1, indicating their ring fingers are longer, Coates said. Women typically have a ratio of 1 or above.

The study also found traders who have long ring fingers stayed in their jobs longer. Participants worked in a type of trading known as “high-frequency” trading, which lends itself to risk-taking and quick reactions, the authors wrote. In other types of asset management, such as mutual fund or pension management, these types of traders may not be as successful, Coates said.
Even within high-frequency trading, comparing the finger ratio only works if traders have equal access to capital and information, and similar risk limits, said Coates, who worked as a derivatives trader at Deutsche Bank in New York from 1996 to 2001, during the dot-com bull market. He was able to adjust the study data to minimize the influence of these factors.

“This was the trickiest part,” Coates said.

To contact the reporter on this story: Elizabeth Lopatto in New York at elopatto@bloomberg.net. Last Updated: January 13, 2009 00:01 EST

Courtesy: Bloomberg

(மார்கெட்டு படுத்தவுடன் எப்படியெல்லாம் யோசிக்கிறாங்க? ஒரு வேல தனியா ரூம் போட்டு யோசிக்கிறாங்களோ?)

How to Impress

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.

The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."

The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."

The third said "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."

The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."

The other brothers were impressed. After the holidays Mom sent out her thank you notes. "She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."

"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."

"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."


MORAL : NEVER GIFT TO IMPRESS BUT TO THE NEED

Neither Legal Nor Logical - Real Fun

A Student secures lower grade in the externals and after looking at the mark sheet he asks his Professor.



Student: "Can you answer any question? “



Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"



Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as it is. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "



Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"



Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"



Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his Student’s exam mark into an "A", as agreed.



Afterwards, the Professor calls on the Student and asks him the same question.


He immediately answers:

"Sir, you are 60 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical.

Your wife has a 25-year-old lover, which is logical, but not legal.

The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."

A Man is thinking - Just for Fun

Thought 1

The average man's life consists of

Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,

Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;

And at the end, the mourners wondering too.

Thought 2

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, 'If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.' The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, 'Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.' The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

The man asked. 'Who are you?' 'I am your guardian angel,' the voice answered. 'Oh, yeah?' the man asked 'And where the hell were you when I got married?'


Thought 3


Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.




The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced 'Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life..' Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, 'My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me.'


The whole audience including priest started laughing..........But not the poor groom!!!!

EVERGREEN SARDARJI JOKES - JUST FOR FUN

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.





Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".





Sardar thinks "how poetic"





Sardar says, "Pass the custard you bastard".





******



Sardar at bar in New York.





Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"





Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"





Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"



******





Boss : I am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is ito.k?





Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but??





how much is DRIVING salary...?





*******



Sardar's theory :





Moon is more impt than Sun, Bcoz it gives light atnight when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light is not needed!!





*********



2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks theother to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says YES...NO...YES...NO...YES...NO...





*********
Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend





" u said v will do registerMarriage and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post office....





*********





Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach.





He cuts its 1 leg, and says, "chal", it walks.





He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.





He cuts all the legs and said, "chal...."





Finally he wrote the conclusion............ "after all the legs of acockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"





**********



A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"





Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"





******



2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.





Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.





Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....





***********



A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.





Interviewer : who killed Gandhi? Sardar :





Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......





***********





A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' .





he replaced friend with father in the essay and it read: I AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS, SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.





*******



Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?





Sardar : liquid state.....



Audience clapped..





Amitab stunned, looks behind,





ALL WERE SARDARS.....





*********

Sardar ji was filling up application form for a job.

He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".

After much thought he wrote: Yes

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......

A Teacher lecturing on population -

In india after Every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid.

A Sardar stands up - we must find & stop her

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......

Cartoons on Market Crisis