ULTIMATE INTERVIEW.

The IAS Interview

One young man went for an IAS Interview.


"When did India get independence?" He was asked.


"The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied.


"Who was responsible for our independence?"


"There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice to another." He replied.



"Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"


"Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied.


The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions.





When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent Santa would not leave him. "At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged.


Then it was the turn of this Santa. When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him." By the way, what is your date of birth?"


He replied, "The effort began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947."


Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification. "What is your fathers name?"


He replied, "There were so many. Whom to mention". If I name one, it will be injustice to another".


The interviewer was incensed.


"Hey! Are you mad or what?"


He replied. "Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report."


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What is Marketing?

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing"


2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. "Marry him." -That's Advertising"


3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. "Marry me - That's Telemarketing"


4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:"By the way, I'm rich. Will you "Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations"


5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:"You are very rich! "Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition"


6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - "That's Customer Feedback"


7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - "That's demand and supply gap"


8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - "That's competition eating into your market share"


9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That's restriction for entering new markets

INTERESTING DEFINITIONS I

School:

A place where Papa Pays and Son Plays.

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Life Insurance:

A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

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Nurse:

A person who works up to give you sleeping pills.

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Love Affairs:

Something like the game of Cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test match.

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Marriage:

It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.


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Divorce:

Future tense of Marriage.


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Tears:

The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.


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Lecture:

An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"


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Conference:

The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.


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Compromise:

The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.


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Dictionary:

A place where success comes before work.


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Conference Room:

A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.


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Classic:

Books, which people praise, but do not read.


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Smile:

A curve that can set a lot of things straight.


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Highlights of Interim Railway Budget 2009‐10

Review of Financial Performance during the year 2008-09

Freight loading target retained at 850 mt; number of passengers likely to grow by around 7% over previous year.

Implementation of recommendations of VI Central Pay Commission (CPC) likely to cost the Railways Rs 9,000 cr more on staff costs and Rs 4,500 cr more on pensionary charges as compared with previous year.

Hence, Ordinary Working Expenses (OWE) increased to Rs 55,000 cr in the R.E and the appropriation to Pension Fund to Rs 10,500 cr.

Appropriation to DRF retained at Rs 7,000 cr.

Dividend payable to General Revenues kept at Rs 4,711 cr.

Cash surplus before dividend projected at Rs 19,320 cr and the Operating Ratio at 88.3% despite implementation of the VI CPC.

Revised plan outlay kept at Rs 36,773 cr.

Performance Review

The number of consequential accidents came down to 194 in 2007-08.

Agartala, the capital of the Tripura, connected by railway line. First train service in Kashmir valley commenced between Anantnag and Rajwansher. To be followed by Baramulla and Qazigund.

Successful trials completed for running electric locomotives with OHE at a height of about 7.5 mts in preparation for running double stack containers on electrified Western Dedicated Freight Corridor

Work on Eastern Dedicated Freight Corridor commenced near Dehri-on–Son on 10th February,2009. Work on Western DFC to commence this month.

Budget Estimates 2009-10

Freight loading targeted at 910 mt – an increment of 60 mt on 2008-09; number of passengers likely to grow by around 7%.

Gross Traffic Receipts estimated at Rs 93,159 cr i.e. Rs 10,766 cr more than RE 2008-09.

Ordinary Working Expenses budgeted at Rs 62,900 cr to cover the full year impact of VI CPC and the payment of 60% arrears due in 2009-10.

Dividend payable to General Revenues kept at Rs 5,304 cr at the current applicable rates.

Budgeted Operating Ratio 89.9%.
Plan outlay kept at Rs 37,905 cr.
Passenger Services

43 new train services to be started in 2009-10, extension of 14 trains envisaged and frequency of 14 trains to be increased.

Others

With a view to facilitate improved train operations, it has been decided to set up two new railway divisions at Bhagalpur and Thawe.

25 surveys proposed comprising 14 for new lines, 3 for gauge conversion and 28 for doubling projects.

Pre-feasibility study for running high speed bullet trains being pursued.

Construction of Rail Wheel Factory, Chapra on in full swing; Work on diesel and electric locomotive factories at Marhoura and Madhepura targeted for early start.
Bharat Wagon Limited, Mokama & Muzaffarpur transferred to Ministry of Railways; transfer of wagon units of Burn Standard at Burnpur and Howrah also under consideration on the same lines.

Reduction in Tariffs

Reduction in passenger fares of ordinary passenger trains by one rupee for fares costing up to Rupees fifty per passenger for journey above ten kms.

Second class and sleeper class fares of all Mail/Express and ordinary passenger trains to be reduced by 2 per cent for tickets costing Rupees fifty and more per passenger.

Fares of AC First Class, AC II tier, AC III tier and AC Chair Car also to be reduced by two per cent.

Disclaimer: The content of the message cannot be guaranteed to be secure or error free.

Funny Newspaper Classifieds

Funny Newspaper Classifieds

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1. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
(man....if only I knew A B C....)



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2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you'll never go anywhere again.
(sure...thanx for the warning!)


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3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
(in months or years?)


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4. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
(check it out)


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5. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
(howwww sweeeet)


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6. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
(wow! A free trip to heaven?)


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7. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
(uh...huh!)


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8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
(hey....who taught cows the bad habit??)


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9. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
(nice work)

Enjoy

SMILE, IT'S TAX FREE!

10 COMMANDMENTS OF MARRIAGE

Commandment 1

Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.


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Commandment 2

If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say; talk in your sleep.


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Commandment 3

Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!


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Commandment 4

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.

In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.

In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.


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Commandment 5

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.


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Commandment 6

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

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Commandment 7

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

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Commandment 8

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.

But the law allows only one wife.


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Commandment 9

Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wives treat husbands like toxic waste.

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Commandment 10

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

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Bonus Commandment ( Story )

A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.

The wife decided to make a wish too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.

The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled,
.
.
.
.
.
.

"It really works!"


SMILE, IT'S TAX FREE!


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TTitles for Tamil Heros' next few movies. (Just for Fun)

RAJINI:



ROBO, REMOTE CAR, PLANE, BATTERY TRAIN, JET.



VIJAYAKANTH:



DHARMAPURI, SALEM, ERODE, NAMAKKAL, THOOTHUKUDI, MAYILADUTHURAI



VIJAY:



VILLU, AMBU, KATHI, KABADA, KAMBU.



AJITH:



ASAL, NAGAL, ORIGINAL, XEROX, COLOUR XEROX ,BLACK AND WHITE .



SURYA:



VARANAM AYIRAM, THORANAM RENDAYIRAM, POORANAM MOOVAYIRAM, PANJAVARNAM

NAALAYIRAM.



SIMBU:



SILAMBATTAM, PULIYATTAM, KORANKATTAM,,PAMBUATTAM, KARADIATTAM,

THINDATTAM.



JEEVA:



E, KOSU, ERUMBU, KARAPPAN POOCHI, MANPUZHU,NAYAE,PAYAEE.



VISHAL:



SATHYAM, SANTHAM, ABIRAMI, DEVIPARADISE.



BHARATH:



SEVAL, PURA, VAATHU, MAINA.



SERAN:



RAMAN THEDIYA SEETHAI, ANUMAN THEDIYA SEETHAI, RAVANAN KADATHIYA

SEETHAI.



NAGUL:



KADHALIL VIZHUNTHEAN, BIKELA VIZHUN THEAN, RODULAE VIZHUNTHEAN, KEELA

VIZHUNTHEAN,DITCHILLA VIZHUNTHEAN



JEEVAN:



THOTTA, BULLET, REVOLVER, RIFFLE.



VIKRAM:



KANDHASWAMY, KARRUPASWAMY, KUPPUSWAMY, KULANTHAISWAMY.



DHANUSH:



PADIKAADHAVAN, MUTTAL, THARUTHALA.



AARYA,



NAAN KADAVUL, NAAN PEAI, NAAN ARAKKAN, NAAN EMAN



JAYAM RAVI:



SOMETHING SOMETHING, NOTHING NOTHING, EVERYTHING EVERYTHING, ANYTHING

ANYTHING



NAREN:



5 ATHEY, 6 ATHEY, 7ATHEY, 8ATHEY



SARATHKUMAR,



1977, 1976, 1975, 1974, 1973



SJ SURIYA,



NEWTON'S 3 LAW, PASCAL'S LAW, HOOKE'S LAW, SHAKILA



MADHAVAN,



GURU YEN AALLU, PRIYA UN AALLU, NAMITHA YEN AALLU



SAANTHANU:



SAKKARAIKATTI, UPPUKATTI, SUNNAAMBU KATTI,


Disclaimer: Only for fun