ULTIMATE INTERVIEW.

The IAS Interview

One young man went for an IAS Interview.


"When did India get independence?" He was asked.


"The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied.


"Who was responsible for our independence?"


"There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice to another." He replied.



"Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"


"Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied.


The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions.





When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent Santa would not leave him. "At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged.


Then it was the turn of this Santa. When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him." By the way, what is your date of birth?"


He replied, "The effort began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947."


Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification. "What is your fathers name?"


He replied, "There were so many. Whom to mention". If I name one, it will be injustice to another".


The interviewer was incensed.


"Hey! Are you mad or what?"


He replied. "Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report."


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What is Marketing?

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing"


2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. "Marry him." -That's Advertising"


3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. "Marry me - That's Telemarketing"


4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:"By the way, I'm rich. Will you "Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations"


5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:"You are very rich! "Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition"


6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - "That's Customer Feedback"


7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - "That's demand and supply gap"


8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - "That's competition eating into your market share"


9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That's restriction for entering new markets

INTERESTING DEFINITIONS I

School:

A place where Papa Pays and Son Plays.

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Life Insurance:

A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

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Nurse:

A person who works up to give you sleeping pills.

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Love Affairs:

Something like the game of Cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test match.

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Marriage:

It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.


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Divorce:

Future tense of Marriage.


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Tears:

The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.


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Lecture:

An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"


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Conference:

The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.


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Compromise:

The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.


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Dictionary:

A place where success comes before work.


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Conference Room:

A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.


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Classic:

Books, which people praise, but do not read.


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Smile:

A curve that can set a lot of things straight.


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Highlights of Interim Railway Budget 2009‐10

Review of Financial Performance during the year 2008-09

Freight loading target retained at 850 mt; number of passengers likely to grow by around 7% over previous year.

Implementation of recommendations of VI Central Pay Commission (CPC) likely to cost the Railways Rs 9,000 cr more on staff costs and Rs 4,500 cr more on pensionary charges as compared with previous year.

Hence, Ordinary Working Expenses (OWE) increased to Rs 55,000 cr in the R.E and the appropriation to Pension Fund to Rs 10,500 cr.

Appropriation to DRF retained at Rs 7,000 cr.

Dividend payable to General Revenues kept at Rs 4,711 cr.

Cash surplus before dividend projected at Rs 19,320 cr and the Operating Ratio at 88.3% despite implementation of the VI CPC.

Revised plan outlay kept at Rs 36,773 cr.

Performance Review

The number of consequential accidents came down to 194 in 2007-08.

Agartala, the capital of the Tripura, connected by railway line. First train service in Kashmir valley commenced between Anantnag and Rajwansher. To be followed by Baramulla and Qazigund.

Successful trials completed for running electric locomotives with OHE at a height of about 7.5 mts in preparation for running double stack containers on electrified Western Dedicated Freight Corridor

Work on Eastern Dedicated Freight Corridor commenced near Dehri-on–Son on 10th February,2009. Work on Western DFC to commence this month.

Budget Estimates 2009-10

Freight loading targeted at 910 mt – an increment of 60 mt on 2008-09; number of passengers likely to grow by around 7%.

Gross Traffic Receipts estimated at Rs 93,159 cr i.e. Rs 10,766 cr more than RE 2008-09.

Ordinary Working Expenses budgeted at Rs 62,900 cr to cover the full year impact of VI CPC and the payment of 60% arrears due in 2009-10.

Dividend payable to General Revenues kept at Rs 5,304 cr at the current applicable rates.

Budgeted Operating Ratio 89.9%.
Plan outlay kept at Rs 37,905 cr.
Passenger Services

43 new train services to be started in 2009-10, extension of 14 trains envisaged and frequency of 14 trains to be increased.

Others

With a view to facilitate improved train operations, it has been decided to set up two new railway divisions at Bhagalpur and Thawe.

25 surveys proposed comprising 14 for new lines, 3 for gauge conversion and 28 for doubling projects.

Pre-feasibility study for running high speed bullet trains being pursued.

Construction of Rail Wheel Factory, Chapra on in full swing; Work on diesel and electric locomotive factories at Marhoura and Madhepura targeted for early start.
Bharat Wagon Limited, Mokama & Muzaffarpur transferred to Ministry of Railways; transfer of wagon units of Burn Standard at Burnpur and Howrah also under consideration on the same lines.

Reduction in Tariffs

Reduction in passenger fares of ordinary passenger trains by one rupee for fares costing up to Rupees fifty per passenger for journey above ten kms.

Second class and sleeper class fares of all Mail/Express and ordinary passenger trains to be reduced by 2 per cent for tickets costing Rupees fifty and more per passenger.

Fares of AC First Class, AC II tier, AC III tier and AC Chair Car also to be reduced by two per cent.

Disclaimer: The content of the message cannot be guaranteed to be secure or error free.

Funny Newspaper Classifieds

Funny Newspaper Classifieds

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1. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
(man....if only I knew A B C....)



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2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you'll never go anywhere again.
(sure...thanx for the warning!)


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3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
(in months or years?)


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4. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
(check it out)


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5. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
(howwww sweeeet)


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6. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
(wow! A free trip to heaven?)


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7. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
(uh...huh!)


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8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
(hey....who taught cows the bad habit??)


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9. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
(nice work)

Enjoy

SMILE, IT'S TAX FREE!

10 COMMANDMENTS OF MARRIAGE

Commandment 1

Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.


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Commandment 2

If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say; talk in your sleep.


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Commandment 3

Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!


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Commandment 4

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.

In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.

In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.


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Commandment 5

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.


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Commandment 6

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

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Commandment 7

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

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Commandment 8

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.

But the law allows only one wife.


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Commandment 9

Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wives treat husbands like toxic waste.

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Commandment 10

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

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Bonus Commandment ( Story )

A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.

The wife decided to make a wish too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.

The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled,
.
.
.
.
.
.

"It really works!"


SMILE, IT'S TAX FREE!


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TTitles for Tamil Heros' next few movies. (Just for Fun)

RAJINI:



ROBO, REMOTE CAR, PLANE, BATTERY TRAIN, JET.



VIJAYAKANTH:



DHARMAPURI, SALEM, ERODE, NAMAKKAL, THOOTHUKUDI, MAYILADUTHURAI



VIJAY:



VILLU, AMBU, KATHI, KABADA, KAMBU.



AJITH:



ASAL, NAGAL, ORIGINAL, XEROX, COLOUR XEROX ,BLACK AND WHITE .



SURYA:



VARANAM AYIRAM, THORANAM RENDAYIRAM, POORANAM MOOVAYIRAM, PANJAVARNAM

NAALAYIRAM.



SIMBU:



SILAMBATTAM, PULIYATTAM, KORANKATTAM,,PAMBUATTAM, KARADIATTAM,

THINDATTAM.



JEEVA:



E, KOSU, ERUMBU, KARAPPAN POOCHI, MANPUZHU,NAYAE,PAYAEE.



VISHAL:



SATHYAM, SANTHAM, ABIRAMI, DEVIPARADISE.



BHARATH:



SEVAL, PURA, VAATHU, MAINA.



SERAN:



RAMAN THEDIYA SEETHAI, ANUMAN THEDIYA SEETHAI, RAVANAN KADATHIYA

SEETHAI.



NAGUL:



KADHALIL VIZHUNTHEAN, BIKELA VIZHUN THEAN, RODULAE VIZHUNTHEAN, KEELA

VIZHUNTHEAN,DITCHILLA VIZHUNTHEAN



JEEVAN:



THOTTA, BULLET, REVOLVER, RIFFLE.



VIKRAM:



KANDHASWAMY, KARRUPASWAMY, KUPPUSWAMY, KULANTHAISWAMY.



DHANUSH:



PADIKAADHAVAN, MUTTAL, THARUTHALA.



AARYA,



NAAN KADAVUL, NAAN PEAI, NAAN ARAKKAN, NAAN EMAN



JAYAM RAVI:



SOMETHING SOMETHING, NOTHING NOTHING, EVERYTHING EVERYTHING, ANYTHING

ANYTHING



NAREN:



5 ATHEY, 6 ATHEY, 7ATHEY, 8ATHEY



SARATHKUMAR,



1977, 1976, 1975, 1974, 1973



SJ SURIYA,



NEWTON'S 3 LAW, PASCAL'S LAW, HOOKE'S LAW, SHAKILA



MADHAVAN,



GURU YEN AALLU, PRIYA UN AALLU, NAMITHA YEN AALLU



SAANTHANU:



SAKKARAIKATTI, UPPUKATTI, SUNNAAMBU KATTI,


Disclaimer: Only for fun

That's Intelligence

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his Customer,

"This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a five rupee coin in one hand and two one rupee coins(1+1=2) in the other, then calls the boy over and asks,

"Which do you want, son?"

The boy takes the two one rupee coins and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber.

"That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.

"Hey, son! May I ask you a question?

Why did you take two one rupee coins instead of five rupee coin?"

The boy licked his cone and replied,

"Because THE DAY I TAKE THE FIVE RUPEE COIN, THE GAME IS OVER

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Moral:


When you think the other person is dumb, you are making a fool of yourself.

யார் புத்திசாலி?

மற்றவரை முட்டாள் என்று நினைக்காதவனே புத்திசாலி.

Long Ring Fingers May Point to Wealth in Traders, Study Says

A glance at a trader’s hand may reveal the size of his paycheck. The longer the ring finger is compared with the index finger, the bigger his pay is likely to be, a study of London traders found.

The secret to prosperity may be contained in their digit ratio, which reflects the length of the index finger divided by the length of the ring finger, according to a study of 44 London traders in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. Traders with a lower digit ratio made an average of 679,680 pounds (or about $1 million U.S.), compared with 61,320 pounds ($90,956 U.S.) by those with a higher ratio, the report said.

Previous research has found that the digit ratio reflects how much testosterone an unborn baby was exposed to in the womb. Those exposed to high levels of the hormone are more sensitive as adults to testosterone that creates feelings of confidence and encourages risk-taking, said study author John Coates. Recognizing the physical characteristics of employees may help companies weigh their reaction to events, he said.

“Economics hasn’t actually looked at the physiology of people in stock market bubbles and crashes to see if their rationality is being impaired by their physiology,” said Coates, a professor at the Judge Business School at the University of Cambridge in the UK, in a telephone interview.
Earlier studies have identified several physical characteristics that reflect prenatal hormone exposure, including the digit ratio. The study only examined male traders.

Trader Fingers Measured

The new study was funded by the University of Cambridge. Coates and his team photocopied the right hands of 44 traders, all men, in London. He then measured the length from the tips of the fingers to the crease closest to the palm; the measurement was replicated by an independent observer.
The team found those with a lower digit ratio of 0.93, on average, earned 10 times more than those with an average ratio of 0.988. Men typically have a ratio below 1, indicating their ring fingers are longer, Coates said. Women typically have a ratio of 1 or above.

The study also found traders who have long ring fingers stayed in their jobs longer. Participants worked in a type of trading known as “high-frequency” trading, which lends itself to risk-taking and quick reactions, the authors wrote. In other types of asset management, such as mutual fund or pension management, these types of traders may not be as successful, Coates said.
Even within high-frequency trading, comparing the finger ratio only works if traders have equal access to capital and information, and similar risk limits, said Coates, who worked as a derivatives trader at Deutsche Bank in New York from 1996 to 2001, during the dot-com bull market. He was able to adjust the study data to minimize the influence of these factors.

“This was the trickiest part,” Coates said.

To contact the reporter on this story: Elizabeth Lopatto in New York at elopatto@bloomberg.net. Last Updated: January 13, 2009 00:01 EST

Courtesy: Bloomberg

(மார்கெட்டு படுத்தவுடன் எப்படியெல்லாம் யோசிக்கிறாங்க? ஒரு வேல தனியா ரூம் போட்டு யோசிக்கிறாங்களோ?)

How to Impress

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.

The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."

The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."

The third said "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."

The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."

The other brothers were impressed. After the holidays Mom sent out her thank you notes. "She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."

"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."

"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."


MORAL : NEVER GIFT TO IMPRESS BUT TO THE NEED

Easy - Difficult things to follow

Easy is to judge the mistakes of others
Difficult is to recognize our own mistakes

Easy is to talk without thinking
Difficult is to refrain the tongue

Easy is to hurt someone who loves us.
Difficult is to heal the wound...

Easy is to forgive others
Difficult is to ask for forgiveness

Easy is to set rules.
Difficult is to follow them...

Easy is to dream every night.
Difficult is to fight for a dream...

Easy is to show victory.
Difficult is to assume defeat with dignity...

Easy is to admire a full moon.
Difficult to see the other side...

Easy is to stumble with a stone.
Difficult is to get up...

Easy is to enjoy life every day.
Difficult to give its real value...

Easy is to promise something to someone.
Difficult is to fulfill that promise...

Easy is to say we love.
Difficult is to show it every day...

Easy is to criticize others.
Difficult is to improve oneself...

Easy is to make mistakes.
Difficult is to learn from them...

Easy is to weep for a lost love.
Difficult is to take care of it so not to lose it.

Easy is to think about improving.
Difficult is to stop thinking it and put it into action...

Easy is to think bad of others
Difficult is to give them the benefit of the doubt...

Easy is to receive
Difficult is to give

Easy to read this
Difficult to follow

Easy is keep the friendship with words
Difficult is to keep it with meanings